That's Dr. Squirrel to you!

So this quarter at Ohio State I teach two lectures every Monday and Wednesday morning, back to back. They're for two sections of the same class, Intro to Theatre, but are split up because of the large number of students: roughly 350 in my first one (at 10:30) and about 275 in my second (at 11:30).

These lectures are the part of Intro to Theatre in which I lay out some of the big concepts of the class, and then on alternating days the TA's meet the students in smaller sections to discuss the concepts, plays, and other topics. This quarter I've been using a revamped set of lectures, ones I've been re-tooling for the past few months. As part of this, I'm trying to add something fun and memorable for each lecture - something to amuse the students (and mostly myself) while giving them something to remember each lecture by. So far I've performed some Shakespeare for them, made my TA's act like a Greek chorus by speaking choruses in praise of me (I had a good laugh over that), showing some video clips, or actually having the students do some exercises.

Today, however, I didn't really have anything worked up for our lecture on Realism & The Modern World. I figured that today could just be a regular lecture with nothing out of the ordinary happening.

But I got a little unexpected help.

About 3/4 of the way through my first lecture (the 10:30 class), while I was waxing poetic about the playwright Eugene O'Neill, a couple students in the front rows suddenly started saying things to me. I thought at first they were asking a question, or that I was talking too fast, but when I asked them to repeat what they had said, they all said, "Squirrel" and pointed. I turned around, and sure enough, there was a squirrel up on stage behind me. The poor guy - he looked pretty small, probably a baby - was running back and forth along the back wall trying to find some cover.

After staring at him and wondering for a moment what to do (how are students going to pay attention to me now?), I approached the squirrel and calmly tried to chase him off the stage. You see, off to the side, behind the stage, is a short hallway leading outside. My goal was to chase him down the hallway and hopefully out of the building. I didn't know exactly who to turn to, to get a squirrel out of the building, so I told one of my TA's to call Classroom Services.

Ohio State prepares their teachers very well. They give us seminars on everything from leading discussions, dealing with unruly students, learning the technology - they even have an emergency alert system that works by text messaging. But nothing really prepares you to deal with wildlife in the classroom (outside of a zoology class, that is). So my first instinct is to call Classroom Services. This department is run by the Office of Information Technology, and these are the folks you call in an emergency when the classroom computer crashes or the projector bulb burns out. Chris, my TA, told me at first that they were sending someone, only to revise the statement when they called him back and said that they didn't know what to do, so they weren't going to send someone. (He later said that OIT told him that, if they were to send someone, they would send an exterminator who would kill the squirrel; they wisely decided not to do this in front of 350 students. Wise choice.)

So back to Mr. Squirrel... he was still on the stage and I wanted him out there. I approached him, and what ensued was a bizarre dance of dashes and chases. He and I both ran around a bit - he started to head towards the students, and fortunately one quick-thinking student stood up and scared the squirrel back towards me. However, he darted around me, behind the curtain at the back of the stage, and hid behind some flats back there. I poked around a bit, but couldn't find him. So I settled the class down (they were pretty excited... I mean, how often do you get visits from nature during a Theatre class?), and continued on with the lecture. Everything went smoothly from there on out, and I dismissed everyone.

Here are a couple pictures to help you imagine the scene. Above is my view of the students.


And here's their view of me. To the left of the picture is the corner where Mr. Squirrel hid out.

During the 12 minute break between lectures, some of the TA's and I poked around the curtain and flats, but we couldn't find Mr. Squirrel. We presumed he had a secret hiding place or had run out the back door.

That is, until 5 minutes before my second lecture started, when I noticed a group of students all staring strangely in one place in the seating bank to the far right of the classroom. Fearing the worst, I jogged on over, only to be told that, yes, indeed, there was a squirrel running up and down the rows. And I mean up and down the rows. He darted underneath seats, running from the front of the auditorium all the way to the back. Unsuspecting students, casually sitting in their seats waiting for class to start, were startled by a squirrel dashing underneath their seats, around their bags, and back again. I tried to get students to help corrale him and chase him out the back door, but I think too many of them were too dumbfounded to really do anything. I kinda don't blame them.

Mr. Squirrel kept running up and down the auditorium, underneath everyone's seats. People jumped up when he passed, or they swatted at him, or stomped their feet, or tried to shoo him in one direction or another. He made a couple dashes up onto the stage. He hid in another corner behind my podium until I basically pushed him out. He almost went out another back door. He even started running up the back hallway toward the door, only to double back and race back under the seats. Pretty soon I noticed that we were nearly 10 minutes into class time, so I asked another of my TA's, Darius, to call Classroom Services again to see if they could recommend someone else to call. He called them and was told that help was on the way.

By this point, Mr. Squirrel had again disappeared behind the flats in his favorite corner, so I jumped into the lecture to get as far as I could. About 10 minutes into my lecture, I noticed a group of three pretty burly guys standing awkwardly at one of the entrances to the classroom. I waved them down, and one timidly approached me. "I'm sorry," he said, "We were told you have a squirrel in the classroom?" I pointed him toward the curtain, and the three of them began digging around, shining flashlights, and, yes, calling for the squirrel.

At this point, I told my students that we were taking a big Time Out for lecture. I've studied and practiced theatre, so I'm well aware that when there's something interesting happening in one corner of the stage, you can't draw the audience's attention anywhere else, no matter how loud you speak. I even pointed this out to my students, wistfully hoping this could be some bizarre teaching moment in which they would learn about the power of live performance.

Anyway, so these three guys from OIT were searching for Mr. Squirrel. Mind you, these guys are employed to service the University's technology needs. And here they are, flushing a squirrel out of a lecture hall.

After a few minutes of rooting around, one of the OIT guys suddenly exclaimed "There he is!" The three men, along with myself and a couple other students, managed to flush Mr. Squirrel from his hiding place. Whereupon he began running up and down the room again, underneath students' seats, around their feet, and all over the place. All the way to the very back row of the classroom, where a female student began screaming as the squirrel ran around underneath her.

Fortunately, she was seated close to the doors to the classroom. One of the OIT guys quickly propped it open, and after a few more seconds of dashing in and out of aisles, Mr. Squirrel ran, with the three OIT men in hot pursuit, through the oper door, out of the classroom, and into the lobby. As the door quietly shut behind them, a couple students applauded, but most of us just stared in dumbfounded wonder. All of this had taken place in the space of a couple minutes.

Suddenly the doors opened and one of the OIT guys poked his head in. "All taken care of," he called out, "he's out of the building." Apparently they had chased Mr. Squirrel across the lobby, out the doors, and back into the arms of Mother Nature. As the OIT guy left, the classroom erupted in applause and laughter.

"Well," I told my students, "I don't really know how to follow that."

Things eventually settled down, and I continued with my lecture, completely winded and exhiliarated. I really felt very calm, and couldn't believe everything that had transpired. Hopefully, though, my students won't forget the lecture.

The best part about the day? I still finished both lectures on time, with a few minutes to spare. We even had a lecture quiz in my 10:30.