I know "Normal" is just as overused a word as "natural," and neither really mean much. But I have a dilemma. How much are babies supposed to cry? I mean, I know they cry. They eat, sleep, poo, and cry. This is all they know to do. But how much is too much?
Right now, Will has wonderful moments of wakefulness, looking around and laughing at lights (his newest past time) and searching for the nearest face to study. People comment on his big eyes and cute face, and seem to really enjoy him. But then Mr. Hyde appears. For some reason, our happy smiling baby just bursts into tears and needs constant consoling to settle down. This consoling can include the 5 S's (Shushing, Swaying, Sucking, Swaddling, and Side), or just going outside. The newest sure-fire way to put him to sleep is to stick him in the Moby Wrap and take a walk. (I would recommend it to anyone! Thanks, Kim!)
This crying can happen at any time but can last a long time some days. My question is not, why is he crying (I know there is a laundry list of reasons why...believe me, I've been through them time and time again...and I'm beginning to realize that "colic" is just doctor's shortened word for "we don't know why your baby is crying, but it's not going to hurt him"). My question is how much is normal? And does it get better?
Thoughts?
7 comments:
This isn't going to be helpful, but I am reminded of this Star Trek quote, after Chief O'Brien has taken his son to the doctor and Dr. Bashir has found nothing physically wrong with him....
O'Brien: What are you telling me: my baby's just sad?
Bashir: Perhaps he's become prematurely aware of life's existential isolation.
O'Brien: You're sure it's not a rash?
Bashir: Look on the bright side - he'll probably be a great poet.
I hope Will's crying turns out to be of the "great future poet" variety, and that it doesn't drive you off the edge first.
It gets better, but sometimes is has to get worse first. Parker had moments when I thought it would never end. We always found that the "sh" worked the best. We will be praying for you guys.
yeah, there were some pretty frustrating moments with little ez. is he napping consistently for you guys yet? i hate to use the dreaded word, but have you settled into any sort of "routine" (i know...whatever that can mean for a baby...i think you know what i mean, though...) i also hate to be a book mom, but you remember that book i mentioned to you that your parents read? has any of that stuff helped? or maybe you guys are doing something different. i know this seems like a long way off but even though we used that book and even though i would tell everyone to use that book now because it has been the most helpful guide for us (besides the bible, hello...) ezra didn't start getting a hang of things 'til he was about 3.5 months old and then it's like everything just clicked for him! (i don't even know if that last sentence was clear...i'm a horrid writer.) anyway...if you want to chat, just give me a call. even if you're not seeking advice and just need to talk some things out loud to a sympathetic ear! we love you guys and are praying for you! (oh and tell will while he's outside to keep an eye out for the postal worker...he/she just may have a package for him...)
i apologize in advance for the obnoxious length of this comment...
oh beth...i hear you and completely empathize with your situation. hearing madelyn cry was (is) the most emotionally compelling and helpless feeling i've ever had. we are biologically programmed to respond to our babies' cries, and when they don't cease, it takes an honest, physical and emotional toll on us. i agree with mandi: it takes about 3-4 months for things to "click" with these little guys. i don't know what's magical about that age or how it all happens, but the whole schedule thing and sleep thing and awake-satisfaction thing just seems to happen all on its own. when you're where you're at, that sounds like an eternity, but i would just encourage you to do whatever you need to do in the moment to comfort him and keep yourself sane--even if that means putting him safely in his crib to cry while you step out on the porch for ten minutes to quietly collect yourself. you are not spoiling him by meeting his every physical and emotional need at this tiny age. i really think this will all resolve itself in about two months, and if it hasn't by then, then there are more planful, structured things you can try knowing that he is developmentally ready for them.
i'm glad the moby is working for you! madelyn loved it, too, and there were days when the only time i took her out of it was to feed her or change her. i even mastered peeing with her moby-ed up (once in a really sketchy Target bathroom)!
I've never been through this myself (at least not yet, give it a few more weeks!) but I think a lot of moms and dads have. I grew up hearing horror stories about my younger sister's "colic" when she was a baby. She cried constantly until she was about 6 months old, and my mom said the only thing that helped (besides the 5 s's) was keeping her in the baby carrier, right next to her chest, all day long. This was a really hard time for my mom... and she was an experienced mom with 5 other children! But I think my sis was way out there on the bell curve. It is very rare for a colicky baby to stay that way for so long.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things (5 s's and using the carrier). I also like the suggestion of walking away and taking a 10 minute break. My older sis used to take her baby on a car ride until he calmed down. Something about the vibrations were very soothing (although I admit that isn't the most practical way to calm your baby every time he cries). The walks that you are doing sound like a great idea, too. You are being a great mom! Hang in there.
According to my mother, I cried constantly for a while.
She made sure I was OK and then would just let me cry. (There are stories about an older lady from the church offering to babysit me, thinking that she could use clever tricks to get me to stop crying - but nothing worked.)
I don't have any memory of it (of course), but I think I turned out OK ... :)
Most often for us, this sort of crying happened with an overly tired baby who was having a hard time getting to sleep (even if you are sure they have had enough sleep).
Although, some of it just comes with the territory. Now that I have two kids I know that some cry more than others but I won't mention any names. ;)
It gets better.
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