Black Holes

For fear of sounding preachy, I'm going to go light on the spiritual implications of this topic. But ever since I graduated from college in 2001, I have been on a search to fill the black holes of my life. These are people with whom I was very close at one time, yet currently have no contact. I suspect every one of us has a number of these holes in their past.

For a comparitively short life, I feel like I have entirely too many black holes. This has a lot to do with two major personality flaws:

1. I expect a lot of myself, and, therefore, expect a lot of other people. I am disappointed easily.

2. I am frightfully loyal - to a fault -, but one disloyal act by someone can cause me to break all ties.

I have made contact with a number of my black holes...an old boyfriend, my high school best friend, a college friend...and each experience has been overwhelmingly positive. There are still some left, though. And there isn't a day that goes by that I wish they were filled.

So I'm still trying- but one of the biggies, a roomate from college, still alludes me. We are two of the most incompatable people on earth, for no other reason than we both think our history/family/worldview is better/smarter/cooler than the other. What amazes me about it, though, is that we both think we're entirely right. And justified! As if it were some deep-seeded family battle fought long ago, we have become characters to one another, larger than life and more terrible than reality. And we have our friends and families on our sides for backup. Hilarious.

Like fine wine, I suspect time has matured us both, and we may be able to actually have a reasonable conversation. But perhaps not.

So, I'm gearing up for the next black hole destruction. We'll see who it will be. But I'm ready, and I'm way too young to have so many holes in my past.