Whether Weather or Not

God and I are in a fight. Well, to be more specific, I'm being a huge baby about something, and God is waiting for me to stop whining.

For most of my life, I have pretended to be OK when the skys open up and pour a deluge of cold, mean rain on an important event. I have been able to rationalize myself out of it, and even pulled strings to just "make it work." I understand "you need to have a rain plan" more than most. It will all turn out fine. Pictures look better when it's cloudy. It's good luck. It looks like it's lightening up. It'll pass.

But I'm not OK with it. In fact, this, more than anything, is something I simply cannot understand. And I don't think that this is a lack of faith in God. I think it is an excessive faith in God. Weather is easy. Weather is peanuts. Weather is a flicker of light. God can handle weather.

But so often, he doesn't. So often, when an event or business or joy or fun or fellowship or excitement or visitors or whatever depend on it, I look at it as a direct affront to that moment.

Maybe I shouldn't consider it a problem, or an issue, or even something to write about...because "you can't change the weather!" But God CAN! So, is my problem my excessive faith in God, or that I need to just deal with yet another event being drowned?

History 180 with Nick

Check it out, History Fans! Last night Karl and I put together the inaugural edition of a history video blog on YouTube. We're calling it History 180, because it's a 3 minute look at different historical characters, events, etc. This first one is on a topic that I knew off the top of my head: Charles Lindbergh. We're trying to see if we can use the video diary format to teach - hopefully something a little more constructive than a whiney video blog.

You can watch the video here. It's a little (okay, a lot) rough. Karl and I found last night to be a good learning session. Let us know what you think, and look for future editions!

In a BAND UNIFORM?

So, only my beautiful twin sisters, Marina and Irina, can look THIS good in a band uniform! Love you guys!

Few and Far Between

I just saw a confederate soldier sitting at the bus stop.

Man, I wish things like that would happen more often...

The Crushing Weight of Cliché

For those of you who have known me for, well, over two seconds, you know I'm a fairly dramatic person. I like being loud and extremist and especially over-expressive. I'm not sure why, because I don't like being the center of attention. In fact, that is a great fear of mine. But I am not the only one in my circle of [theatre] friends who would agree with the above statements.

I decided recently that this strange dichotomy responds to an inherent rebellion against cliché, in general. And by that I mean those film-like, run-of the mill, after-school special reactions, emotions, and moments that govern our lives. Even cliché relationships just rub me the wrong way- for example, the expectation that in-laws have to be so heinous? That idea is COMPLETELY foreign to me because my in-laws are AWESOME! But, still, people perpetuate the stereotype. And even reactions to news, whether good, bad, shocking, or saddening, always smack of been-there-done-that. Are human beings really SO limited to "And we have decided that the so-and-so award goes to...Jane Smith!" Jane: Oh! Me?!

I mean, Come On! ($5 to the first person who remembers "Jane Smith" and her heaving...oh, it happened!)

I just think that we should all be more inventive with our reactions! And if they need be stereotypical, so be it, but make them BIG! I think that by being dramatic, we will take a moment that can turn into a ABC classic "Daddy, I'm Their Mama Now", "Did you Hear What Happened to Angela?" or "Ace Hits the Big Time" special, and give it a "Anything Goes," "Les Mis," or "Rent" spin.

It's more entertaining, less expected, and better with Jazz Hands!

Spreading the Blog-Love...All Over the World!

My family has recently dispersed to various points over the globe: my little sister Abbey arrived on Calvin's campus last week, and my other little sister Kate is falling more in love with Italy by the second. I am so proud of both of them and their adventurous spirits...and I am eternally thankful for this medium that enables them to share images and essays of their time away. I thought I would just take a moment to highlight their blogs, which you may find to the right of this post.

I gather this list for somewhat selfish reasons...it makes my morning web-routine much easier (as I DO check each and every one of these blogs/sites EVERY DAY), but also to highlight the talents and adventures of my friends and family. Please check them out!

Still Saying "I Do..."

Five years ago today I married my wife at Emmanuel Christian Church in Stoneboro, Pennsylvania, in front of a crowd of friends and family. They came from all over: Pennsylvania, Michigan, Massachusetts, Oregon, Ohio… and since then they’ve spread to so many more places. We celebrated our marriage nearby with everyone at The Farm, a beautiful old piece of property with renovated barns, old farmhouses, horse pastures, and hillside views of a lake. I remember that it rained up until early Friday evening (the night before) and then cleared up into a gorgeously sunny and cool September 1st.

As I’ve told Beth repeatedly, these have been the best five years of my life, and I thank all of our friends and family members for being part of it and making it all the better. Gosh, we’ve already been through a year of living and working in Grand Rapids, then four years of grad school and two apartments in Columbus. This includes multiple jobs, plenty of national and international travel, new additions to our extended families, a church family, a loveable dog, and now good friends living next door.

Using the internet kind of highlights the idea of the world bearing witness to your actions. You can’t really say anything without everyone being able to hear, see, or respond to you. And I guess that’s a good thing – it’s a sort of accountability found in a large community.

So again, before anyone and everyone gathered at their computers, I wish my wife Beth a Happy Anniversary and thank her for five wonderful years. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Nick

My Homeless Guy

I run Paul's shop in the Short North Arts District of Columbus. It's great- very urban, hip, happenin' (do people still say that?)...always something going on. It is a wonderful mix of the most colorful additions to our society. One of these additions is My Homeless Guy, Leslie.

I adopted Leslie as My Homeless Guy a few days after I took over at the shop in March. Or, should I say, he adopted me as his "Little Candle Shop Girl" about the same time. He is a large man, with a forever smiling face and bright happy eyes. He usually wears a tan long-sleeved shirt, dark brown slacks and carries a mysterious black duffel bag that appears to be perpetually empty. He is terribly paranoid, though, and is endlessly warning me of this guy or that gang...he promises me every day he's going to teach me Kung Fu. And he would want me to mention that his favorite movie is King Kong. It must have been the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him, because he can recite entire scenes of the movie and describe in detail how he was feeling during them. Someone gave him a free ticket a few months back. He's seen it once.

Every morning, he waits at the bus stop in front of the shop door quietly until I arrive. (I like to imagine he's waiting for something monumental...Godot, perhaps?) After I open the shop, he approaches the door with a smile just for me, flinging it open with abandon, once again knocking down the easel and sign just inside the door. I rush to catch it before it rains glass and wax, and just quietly say "Careful, Leslie."

He apologizes, and says "Hey, there, beautiful. You still married?" I say yes and ask him how he's doing. He proceeds to warn me about the gang du jour and offers again to teach me how to fend them off. "All you have to do is call me, Little Candle Shop Girl, and I'll get 'em for you." I thank him and he asks me if I've seen King Kong, and goes on to explain his favorite scene (the T-Rex/Kong fight, naturally). He backs out of the door after just a few minutes, says "You be careful, dear. I want to see you tomorrow." And he's gone.

Every morning, it's the same thing. For the first few weeks, I was annoyed. I was terrified that a customer was going to come in, or that he was going to get in the way of orders I was rushing to get out...or worse, scare someone off or break something. I tried ignorning him, but his dancing eyes and rosy smile were hard to overlook. Then a few weeks ago, I was reminded of a childhood parable...Jesus could be anyone. "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

So I started forcing myself to see him differently, and after a while, it wasn't so hard. Now, every day as he leaves me with that toothy grin and sparkling eyes, I think, "There goes Jesus." And I look forward to tomorrow, because I get to see Him, in the flesh, every day.

Going Out of My Head...I mean, ...Way...

As many of you know, Nick and I have been teaching a Young Marrieds Adult Sunday School class at our church. Many of our discussions have touched on "love" being an action word. We have also stressed the importance of exactly how we show love to coworkers, friends, and aquaintences. And because it's sort of odd to talk about "loving" the creep in the next cubicle (holla, Bethany!), we redefined it as "caring" about said person.

But I realized the other day, with help from my dear friend Jessie, that the easiest way for most people to feel they are loved is to see that someone has gone out of their way to care for them. This can include a physical "going out of their way," in the sense that they had to relocate themselves in order to be near you or to do something for you, or to mentally "go out of their way" to actively listen to someone or interact in a discussion with you.

At first, this seemed too simple, but then I thought about the times I have felt loved by my friends, and each of these times included people "going out of their way" for me. And, on the flip side, the times I have felt unloved are times when people are "too busy" to help, or have ignored me for a time. And I have found that the easiest way to fix this is to actively go out of my way for that person.

So go out of your way for someone- it might fix a long standing rivalry or disagreement, or just reconnect you with someone, or merely show someone you see every day that you care. And it's always good to give people a little glimmer of love.

My Family. My Big Hilarious Weird Family.

Black Holes

For fear of sounding preachy, I'm going to go light on the spiritual implications of this topic. But ever since I graduated from college in 2001, I have been on a search to fill the black holes of my life. These are people with whom I was very close at one time, yet currently have no contact. I suspect every one of us has a number of these holes in their past.

For a comparitively short life, I feel like I have entirely too many black holes. This has a lot to do with two major personality flaws:

1. I expect a lot of myself, and, therefore, expect a lot of other people. I am disappointed easily.

2. I am frightfully loyal - to a fault -, but one disloyal act by someone can cause me to break all ties.

I have made contact with a number of my black holes...an old boyfriend, my high school best friend, a college friend...and each experience has been overwhelmingly positive. There are still some left, though. And there isn't a day that goes by that I wish they were filled.

So I'm still trying- but one of the biggies, a roomate from college, still alludes me. We are two of the most incompatable people on earth, for no other reason than we both think our history/family/worldview is better/smarter/cooler than the other. What amazes me about it, though, is that we both think we're entirely right. And justified! As if it were some deep-seeded family battle fought long ago, we have become characters to one another, larger than life and more terrible than reality. And we have our friends and families on our sides for backup. Hilarious.

Like fine wine, I suspect time has matured us both, and we may be able to actually have a reasonable conversation. But perhaps not.

So, I'm gearing up for the next black hole destruction. We'll see who it will be. But I'm ready, and I'm way too young to have so many holes in my past.

The Power of "Who?"

What makes a celebrity? Anyone who has been on a theatre trip to London comes back with countless stories of sitting behind Sir Ian McKellen, shaking hands with Patrick Stewart, or brushing shoulders with Alan Rickman. Just between Nick and I and our 4 or 5 collective trips to the UK, we have 20+ stories of brushes with "greatness." As I write, our friend Christina is in London meeting with other theatre greats for her dissertation over fish and chips. Celebrity is different there than here.

In London, these untouchables live amongst the "normal people" of the city. They take in a play, go to the movies, eat at Wagamama... Not so in the States (this is just one of the major cultural problems I have with this country...I often wonder if it would have been THAT bad if the colonies lost the war...I LIKE tea!). In fact, Americans build celebrities up to the point where commoners cannot even grasp how these gods could actually BUY GROCERIES themselves, or PUMP GAS, or even CHANGE THEIR KID'S DIAPER. Let's take a picture to prove it! And then sell it to a magazine. Then buy that magazine for $4.

But one man's celebrity is another man's "Who?" One of my all-time favorite actors is a man named Mark Rylance. Nick has met him a few times, and we have seen him in a number of shows. I won't wax poetic about him here, but suffice it to say that he is one of the most fantastic and moving actors of our lifetime, and a pivotal cog in the wheel of theatre history, yet he is many people's "Who?". This doesn't make people any less cultured, or in-the-know, there are just different circles. (Pretty much any sports figure is a "Who?" for me.)

The point, besides the fact that I'm obsessed with a 45 year old British man, is that we all have our celebrities- those people we look up to, admire, emulate. And we think, if we were to ever meet them, they would see in us the true silent respect we have for them...not the hysterical obsession of their other crazed fans. Because we're more composed, better at presenting ourselves, and we're their greatest fan! And maybe they'll see that and give us tons of money for being their respectful admirer.

Is celebrity contagious? Most of us, deep down, think so...or at least, hope so.

I don't think I ever could meet Mark. (The closest I have ever gotten is documented here - First picture, Beth thinks she's sneaky paparazzi before a show. Second picture, OH DEAR GOD HE'S SMILING AT ME! PUT THE CAMERA AWAY!!! BREATHE! BREATHE!!)




If I ever were to meet him face to face, and I haven't yet, I would probably pass out. My palms are sweating just thinking of this possibility. I know myself enough to know that, even though I have the utmost admiration for him, I would come off an absolute blathering idiot and probably make a fool of myself. So I shall admire him from across the pond, secretly hoping one day he finds out about me, flies to Columbus, asks me to direct him in Beckett's "Play" as Man and I become wildly famous! Well, I can dream...

What is the deal with... women and compliments...?

Do you ever have those moments when you realize that you are the material for comedic fodder? I heard a comedian do a bit on this topic the other day. As I was laughing, I slowly realized that she was describing me. Her main point was that when women receive a compliment, they do one of two things: 1. Dodge/Deny it or 2. Reveal something embarassing about themselves. (And this does tend to be women, I've noticed, far more than men.) She cited various examples, specifically "Wow, I love your dress!" "Oh, I got it for $2 at Goodwill..." and "Have you lost weight?" "My doctor says I have a disease." And there are various other ways of deflection, such as a girl I knew a while back who would turn it back around on you, such as "Your hair looks great today!" "YOUR hair looks great today!" or "I love that dress." "I love YOUR dress!" This is a annoyingly bad habit I picked up as well- I'm trying to quit.

I have only met one woman who receives compliments beautifully. I am always so impressed with how humbly she takes them, making sure to say thank you and being truly proud, but not egotisitical, of her achievements. I love giving her compliments.

My question is this: Why is this so true? It can't honestly be that every woman in America has THAT bad of self-esteem or gets embarassed that quickly, or can it?

I've been trying to get better at receiving compliments. The first thing, I've realized, is looking people in the eye and just saying an honest "Thanks!" Any further information borders on either deflection or embellishment, so I proceed with caution. i.e., A woman this morning at Life Time complimented my eye color (immediately after typing that, I wanted to add an adjective before eye color such as "freaky" or "fake-looking"...but I didn't...aren't you proud?). This caused a problem, because it made me even more wary of looking her in the eye, but I did...and just said "Thanks!" Of course, this small success comes after a long line of failures over the past few weeks... :) But a success nonetheless!

Anyway, I challenge you this week, as I am challenging myself, to take a compliment well. (Not to mention, give compliments liberally...which is a whole other post!) I am going to work on it...

Bartender, Give Me 2 Hits of the Snooze Button

I am not a morning person. In fact, it doesn't matter how early I go to bed, how well I've slept, or how rested I feel after my shower. Getting up...actually WAKING up...is just the most difficult thing for me. It always has been, and I thought it was going to get better as I got older because my parents get up at 3 AM or whatever every day and they seem fine with it! (We won't discuss the fact that they go to bed at 9:30 every night! :) Love you, Mom and Dad!) This Summer, I have moved my workouts to before work, which means a 6 AM wake-up time, 5 days a week. For most of you this is normal, and I commend you. For me, however, this was the challenge of a LIFE TIME. (Pun intended, but you can't make me like it.)

I also get very dramatic (I know, you're all SHOCKED!) in the morning, and tend to proclaim ridiculous grandiose absolutes within the first 15 minutes of being up. A small sampling:

"I HATE STUPID BREAKFAST!"
"I am going to sleep all day on Saturday and Sunday!"
"I am never staying up to watch the Daily Show AGAIN!"
"I'm going to come home from work and take a 4 hour nap!"
"I am going to bed at 6 PM tonight!"
"I'm going back to bed- call in to work for me."
"I'm quitting my job."

I have yet to follow through on ANY of these promises, nor, as I said, do I really want to. I really feel badly for Nick, all sweet and kind in the morning, happy to get up and start the day...except for the fact that the duty has fallen to him to get me up. Poor thing. I don't hear the alarm, no matter how loud or annoying, so he has to wake me up. And that's a true feat for anyone to conquer.

Especially the other day, when I was 150% CONVINCED that it was Sunday morning. I was SO confused that Nick was trying to wake me up so early, and actually started getting angry at him and rolled away from him, burying my face in the pillow. Snooze Button. The alarm went off again, and he tried to wake me up. I said, "NO!" and I shove my head under the pillow. Snooze Button. Finally he said, "Beth, you have to go to work today" and I was like, WHAT THE HECK, IT'S FREAKING SUNDAY! But it wasn't. It was Wednesday. And 15 minutes later I was fine with it.

*****This post made possible by a fabulously large snooze button and my sweet husband's determination to kick me the heck out of bed. (Thanks, Sweetie!)*****

Easy as Contacts - Options - #1 - OK

We got new phones! I had my heart set on that sexy little pink RAZR number, but unfortunately, the Verizon version has received less-than-favorable reviews...so here we are with our brand-new LGs. AND I will have you know, I sprung for the hot little bluetooth earpiece! Now I too will join the ranks of seemingly schizophrenic citizens talking to themselves in public. Awesome.

Of course, the obvious downside of switching phones is having to retype the contacts into the new one...yes, I know we can pay the $19.99 and Verizon will do it for us, but I enjoy this biannual ritual. I opened the list in my old phone, which almost immediately looks antiquated (how could I have LIVED without animation, mp3s and mobile web?!?!), and started with the top name, Abbey.

I continued down the list, alphabetically, and realized with a rush that all I had to do would be not transfer a name from one phone to another to all but delete them from my circle of communication. Immediately a call from those forgone contacts would come up as unrecognized. For a person who demands having immediate answers at her fingertips, deletion is not an option...but still, some contacts didn't make it to my new phone.

It is frightening on many levels the control we now have over the people with which we communicate...I only know a small handful of phone numbers by heart, and most of those are childhood contacts...none of which I call on a daily basis. If they're not in my phone, I not only won't call them...but I CAN'T call them. Scary.

I am going to make it a point this month to call each of the people in my contacts list at least once, because if I have this much control over my circle of communication, I can't blame anyone else for lapses in connection but myself.

The Day the YouTubes Died!

www.renettoreviews.com

Broken

I had forgotten how good it feels to be broken. Truly broken, as if you have to be careful not to drop pieces of yourself as you talk with people, or work, or even sleep...if sleep is possible. I'm not a masochist- I just know this won't last forever, and I can't wait to meet who God fixes me up to be. I was on a trip this weekend to Chicago with a friend and had some of the most delicious conversations. (And anyone who knows me knows that I can survive on delicious artichokes, Fresca, and conversations alone...) Suffice it to say, a lot of things were solidified in my mind, and a similar number of things were blown through with holes...often simultaneously.

I am going to make it a point to revol in this feeling- as if anything will set me crying, or laughing, or wanting to drop everyhing and change my life completely. It's a remarkably unstable place to be and for those who know me and my Highlighters of Many Colors, it's difficult to face. But how tangible tears are, and how real is a good laugh! And if I do decide to change my life completely, so be it. I'm sure everyone who has, at one time or another, not wanted to get out of bed but has been unable to sleep for anticipation will understand.

Our Colorado Trip!

A couple weeks ago we flew out west to Denver for our friend Sarah Tigchelaar's wedding. Post-nuptials, we traveled a tad further west with Kim and Kurt to Estes Park. Ole E.P. became our base of operations for the following week, as we explored the mountains, streams, and meadows... and shops... and restaurants... of the Rockies. This first picture shows the four of us climbing and photographing some dangerously picturesque rocks in a river.


One of our first big ventures into the Rocky Mountain National Park took us along the Trail Ridge Road, which wound us up above 12,000 feet. Here we trudged in the high altitudes above the treeline and amongst the snow. Still, plenty of flowers were blooming.


The following morning we stepped out our hotel room door to find first one, then two, elk grazing in the river and around the parking lot. As we cautiously followed them, snapping pictures, we found a whole herd of 20 or so relaxing nearby in someone's front lawn.


Our second day took us past this beautiful meadow with a river cutting through it. Fishermen waded all throughout the stream.



Later that day we hiked up to Alberta Falls. We appreciated how the park made no bones about the fact that YOU'RE IN NATURE, meaning there are animals and steep drops and scary places and bridges that you have to detour. A park ranger was busy sawing and carving logs to make the new bridge. We climbed along the falls, sitting so close to them at the top that you could practically dangle your feet in them.

It was a great trip, affording us the opportunity to see landscape we usually don't, and spending time with friends we don't get to see all the time.

iChat with youChat?

Recently we hooked our digital video camera up to the ol' iBook and discovered the joy and ease of video conferencing. On Tuesday night we did a four-way chat with the Meyer fam in Greenville, sister Kate in New York, Chip and I upstairs, and Beth and Abbey downstairs. For a while we included friend/new next door neighbor Karl in the conference, too. Way too much fun for our own goods.

So for all of you out there using AOL's instant messenger or on an Apple with iChat, just look up the .Mac user name ndekke39 for a little bit of visually-oriented conversation!

Renetto Reviews

Ok, so I've just discovered a hilarious new video "series" on YouTube, my new obsession. Type "Renetto Reviews" in the 'search' field and it will bring up this guy, Renetto's, reviews of various YouTube videos. It's well worth your time...he's hilarious!!! I've given him 5 star ratings so more people will see him in the 'favorites' column!

www.youtube.com